Confessions of a Dilligence-Deficient Lady

1. It has been almost two weeks since my last bloga entry. Though I have promised numerous times before to blog more often, I inexorably continue to fall back on my word.

2. Today, I went to yoga class, after an uneccesary week and a half hiatus from practice.

3. Since my last November 12th YTT weekend, not once have I practice taught- a substantial train wreck when you consider that practice teaching is one of the most integral components to the teacher training process.

4. Every second week for the last month and a half I have stayed home on the couch rather than attending my Monday night Jazzercise class. Yes Jazzercise, the activity all our mothers relished in, clad in body suits and sweat bands.

5. Almost everyday I have besmirched my dinner habits to quick fixes, not taking the proper time or means to ensure that my vegetarian eating habits are met with the appropriate nutrients.

If it is not yet evident through these last five personal disclosures, it has become quite obvious that I have done something awful: I have let myself fall out of love with my body.

There were times where I would delight in the thought of updating my blog, that I would make it the very first priority of my day.
I used to sacrifice sleeping in and come in to work earlier just so I could take a longer lunch break and enjoy a blissful afternoon yoga class. With my new position at work I don’t even need to sacrifice anything as my Nu-boss is very considerate of the importance of yoga in my life that he lets me go whenever I please because he trusts that I am doing a swell job.
I used to prompt Vinny in to letting me use him as my yoga student guinea pig so that I can practice my teaching language and my posture adjustments.
I would come home from work after an à la Garfield kind of Monday and change into my work-out clothes, pumped for Jazzercise- a change from my usual yoga, something requiring quick and smooth coordination was a challenge I took on full-heartedly.
I would fill my cupboards with mason jars full of delicious food items bought in bulk at the local organic food store, excited to test new healthy recipes.

Then, as though something came crashing down on me, these actions quickly disappeared. And for the last month or so, I have succumbed to being comfortable with simply doing nothing. But not the good kind of nothing where you take time for yourself and enjoy reading a good book. The kind of nothing where you simply stop caring, and prefer a sedentary lifestyle rather than fueling your body with all the wonders it is capable of. The good news, however? I have finally woken up and realized that I have been lacking the zest for life, and am now doing something about it.
Here is how it happened. Last night, I found myself yet again looking for an excuse not to go to Jazzercise. Actually, let me take a step back and explain to you my newfound love for Jazzercise- see, had I been kind to my beloved bloga, you would have already known by now that I have graduated to official Jazzerciser status.  Having moved back to the burbs, I discovered the large range of community activities one can get involved in.  These activities are restricted solely to residents of our town- ooh how exclusive!  I woke up one day and decided that I would take part in one of these ventures.  My initial goal was to sign up for a yoga class, but all three classes filled up in the blink of an eye so I missed my chance.  That's when I thought to myself`why not try something completely new?  And as my eyes scrolled down what appeared to be a never ending list of cultural and physical activities, one in particular tickled my fancy- Jazzercise.  I suddenly fell into a lucid daydream where I remembered following my mom to her Jazzercise class every Sunday and watched as dozens of women (and the occasional man) would tone their buns, chassé across the floor, stomp on their steps and sweat to the sweet, sweet sounds of early 90s pop.  Then, to my utter surprise and enjoyment, they introduced a JuniorJazz course.  The observer became the partaker, and I got together with a bunch of girls and a handful of boys my age every Saturday and learned fun choreographies whilst remaning physically active.  Yes, it was actually a very fond childhood memory.  Once I stumbled back to reality, without hesitation I clicked the register button, and 67$ later committed myself to Monday night Jazzercise classes from September to December.  Now that you're up to speed...last night I putzed around with the idea of not going to class.  I didn't care that I hadn't gone the previous week either.  But Vinny looked at me and said "Babe, just go to your class...you love it."  And he was right.  I do love it, so why am I struggling with the notion of whether or not to go.  Well, I put on my stretchy pants, changed into a tank-top, laced up my running shoes, took a puff of my asthma pump (the workout is surprisingly extremely intense, a puff is a must before leaving), filled up my water bottle and made my way to class.  The class, by the way, is literally at the corner of my street, I'm not even joking.  As I grabbed my step and strategically placed myself not too far back but not too up close where people can see my sometimes humiliating lack of dance coordination, something dawned upon me.  "Geez, I really do love coming here." And as the class started I thought to myself "Geez, this feels wonderful!"  And when the class ended i thought to myself "Geez, I feel like I can conquer the world right now.  I feel strong, I feel grounded, I feel...like I've just done a yoga class- except I'm way sweatier and my heart is pumping a lot faster."  I had ignored the great similarity between something calm like yoga and something energetic like Jazzercise.  Both leave me feeling so happy and so empowered.  After class I stayed back and chatted with my Fab Jazzercise Teacher (who is actually the mama of one of my childhood friends) and told her how wonderful I felt when I took her class.  As I left I promised myself never to miss another session.  If ever Monday evening arrived and I found myself doubting my decision to go, just remember exactly how I feel in this moment. 

And that, my dear readers and friends, is how the lightning bolt hit me.  I realized that I had slowly started giving up on so many things that I love, and as a result my body and my mind were suffering.  I didn't love my body anymore.  I was blatanly malnourishing it by placing so many beatutiful things on my life's backburner- writing, movement, food...But now, I have awoken from this awkward and unpleasant place that I let myself get lost in, and am taking hold of myself.  I am going to update and share on my bloga way more often.  I am going to embrace my on-the-mat/off-the-mat yoga practice.  I am going to Jazzercise the heck out of myself.  I am going to indulge my tastebuds with food that is worth while to take the time to prepare.  I have fallen back in love with my body, and will continue to fuel every part of it physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.  This since-yesterday unveiling has already left me feeling more comfortable in my skin and more confident with my work.  I went to yoga class today and left there feeling so happy that I wanted to cry.  I just finished a delicious home-made dinner chock full and oozing of tasty vegetable goodness.  Now, if you excuse me, I need to go practice teach with Vinny...

Namaste,
Lady Lotus